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How to Overcome Rejection Dejection:
A Guide for Writers (and anyone else who gets rejected)
by Lynn Cutts

  1. Exercise. Rejection is stressful. Exercise helps to lower the level of stress hormones. It also raises the levels of "feel good" hormones, such as the endorphins, which help to combat depression and dejection.
  2. Overcoming the challenges of rejection builds us up and makes us stronger, not just in our writing, but in our daily lives. When our teenager tells us "I hate you!" we can handle it better. On the other hand, no editor will ever be as nasty as an angry teen.
  3. Focus on today. Ask yourself, "What have I done well today?" Some days, that means that you got out of bed and both your socks match. Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back. There are people in this world who can't even accomplish that. (Some mornings I'm one of them.) So you got rejected today. That doesn't mean you are going to be rejected tomorrow.
  4. Stay away from poisonous negative people. You don't need them. They drain your energy and darken your soul. Associate instead with positive people who build you up and encourage you, not tear you down.
  5. Get a massage. The stress of rejection makes your muscles tense up. A good massage will help relax your muscles as well as your mind.
  6. If you keep records of your rejections, you have evidence for the IRS to prove that you are a working writer. That could mean tax deductions for writing expenses. (Please consult a tax attorney or an accountant before taking huge numbers of deductions.)
  7. Smile. Even if you don't feel like it, smiling affects your limbic system and releases feel-good neurochemicals. It will make you feel brave and noble to be "suffering in silence." Plus, people will smile back, and that will make you feel better. If people are smiling at you, then you can't be a total loser, can you?
  8. Laugh. Watch a funny movie, read a funny book, watch a comedy on TV. Browse through the joke sites on the Internet. Keep and refine your sense of humor, or develop one if you don't have one. It's much easier to laugh at rejection than to cry over it. Try to find something funny in every situation, even if you have to make it up.
  9. Cry. Rejections are a form of loss, if nothing more than the loss of hope that maybe this time.... Biochemists, many years ago, discovered that tears shed in sorrow have a different biochemical composition than tears shed in pain. Once in a while, we need to just get it out. Sometimes a sad movie or book can stimulate those necessary tears.
  10. Check and see if your expectations are realistic. If you are figuring on an acceptance with every submission, or even every other submission, you are way out of line, my friend. Check with others in your field, read industry magazines, and find out what is realistic. Then change your expectations to match.
  11. Go to bed early. When you are tired, every rejection feels ten times worse, and every problem is magnified.
  12. Keep a journal. It's just for you, and it's one thing you cannot do wrong. In it, write about how up or down you feel, what's been going on, and how you are responding. Then you can go back and say "Gee, I felt just this way the last time Random House rejected me. I got through it then, I can get through it now. "
  13. There is no such thing as failure. There is feedback, there are course corrections, there are learning opportunities, and opportunities for improvement. My husband used to drive me crazy. Every thing was "an opportunity." But now, I realize that he's right, and if I look at things that way, I don't lose. Ever.
  14. Don't compare yourself to others. What you want, and what you can do, are different from what others want and can do. Some want money, some want fame, some want to influence the world. Know what you define as success, and what you need to achieve it. Just because Dean Wesley Smith writes five to six books a year doesn't mean it's right for you.
  15. Remember that so much of life, like microwave popcorn, is just a matter of timing. Perhaps your article was rejected because that editor just bought a similar story, or has a backlog of articles. Perhaps it's a touchy subject right now.
  16. The hardest part of rejection is overcoming our fear of it. We have been rejected all our life, from the moment our mothers rejected us from that safe, warm womb. It is a natural, normal fear that no healthy person is truly free of, no matter how tough we think we are. Accept it, and move on. Brave and successful people are not free of fear, they just don't let it run them or their lives.
  17. No one ever said this writing business was going to be easy. And why would we want it to be? If it were easy, everyone would do it, and we would be finding another brick wall to beat our heads against. Accept it; we, as writers, are never going to be content with being common, normal, and average. We are always going to seek out a challenge. It's part of what keeps us alive and breathing.
  18. Accept that rejection is an inevitable part of publishing. You don't reach the top of the mountain with one step; you have to make hundreds of them. Each rejection is one step closer to acceptance.
  19. Send that manuscript out again immediately! In fact, have your next target prepared before you send it off the first time.
  20. Purchase a treat you'd really like, such as a favorite chocolate bar, a bottle of champagne, a massage gift certificate. Put it away. You are not allowed to enjoy that treat until you get rejected. Considering the perversity of nature, you are now more likely to get accepted, but that wouldn't be so bad, would it?
  21. Start keeping a scrapbook of positive feedback. Every time you get a compliment, write it down or put it in your scrapbook. Include your non-writing successes. Then, when you feel dejected, you can go to that book and see all your successes. It will prove to you that you are not a failure and that you will succeed someday.
  22. Take a break. (After you send your manuscript back out again.) Relax, play, and nurture your creative child. Exhaustion does make cowards of us all.
  23. We need to develop faith in the process. If we send out enough manuscripts and never give up, eventually, an acceptance will appear in the mail.
  24. If you are not getting rejected, you're doing something wrong. The only writers who don't get rejected are the ones who don't submit.
  25. Nothing bad every happens to a writer. It's all just grist for the mill.

You are neither the first nor the last person to be rejected. We've heard all the stories: Robert M. Pirsig was rejected 121 times before Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was accepted and went on to sell over three million copies. Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections before becoming president. John Creasy, a British mystery writer, collected 743 rejection slips before his first book was published. He went on to publish 563 more.

Remember:

It is perseverance, not talent,
that separates the writer
from the dreamer.

   

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