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How
to Overcome Rejection Dejection:
A
Guide for Writers
(and anyone else who gets rejected)
by Lynn Cutts
- Exercise.
Rejection is stressful. Exercise helps to lower the level
of stress hormones. It also raises the levels of "feel
good" hormones, such as the endorphins, which help to
combat depression and dejection.
- Overcoming
the challenges of rejection builds us up and makes us stronger,
not just in our writing, but in our daily lives. When our
teenager tells us "I hate you!" we can handle it
better. On the other hand, no editor will ever be as nasty
as an angry teen.
- Focus
on today. Ask yourself, "What have I done well today?"
Some days, that means that you got out of bed and both your
socks match. Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back. There
are people in this world who can't even accomplish that. (Some
mornings I'm one of them.) So you got rejected today. That
doesn't mean you are going to be rejected tomorrow.
- Stay
away from poisonous negative people. You don't need them.
They drain your energy and darken your soul. Associate instead
with positive people who build you up and encourage you, not
tear you down.
- Get a
massage. The stress of rejection makes your muscles tense
up. A good massage will help relax your muscles as well as
your mind.
- If you
keep records of your rejections, you have evidence for the
IRS to prove that you are a working writer. That could mean
tax deductions for writing expenses. (Please consult a tax
attorney or an accountant before taking huge numbers of deductions.)
- Smile.
Even if you don't feel like it, smiling affects your limbic
system and releases feel-good neurochemicals. It will make
you feel brave and noble to be "suffering in silence."
Plus, people will smile back, and that will make you feel
better. If people are smiling at you, then you can't be a
total loser, can you?
- Laugh.
Watch a funny movie, read a funny book, watch a comedy on
TV. Browse through the joke sites on the Internet. Keep and
refine your sense of humor, or develop one if you don't have
one. It's much easier to laugh at rejection than to cry over
it. Try to find something funny in every situation, even if
you have to make it up.
- Cry.
Rejections are a form of loss, if nothing more than the loss
of hope that maybe this time.... Biochemists, many years ago,
discovered that tears shed in sorrow have a different biochemical
composition than tears shed in pain. Once in a while, we need
to just get it out. Sometimes a sad movie or book can stimulate
those necessary tears.
- Check
and see if your expectations are realistic. If you are figuring
on an acceptance with every submission, or even every other
submission, you are way out of line, my friend. Check with
others in your field, read industry magazines, and find out
what is realistic. Then change your expectations to match.
- Go to
bed early. When you are tired, every rejection feels ten times
worse, and every problem is magnified.
- Keep
a journal. It's just for you, and it's one thing you cannot
do wrong. In it, write about how up or down you feel, what's
been going on, and how you are responding. Then you can go
back and say "Gee, I felt just this way the last time
Random House rejected me. I got through it then, I can get
through it now. "
- There
is no such thing as failure. There is feedback, there are
course corrections, there are learning opportunities, and
opportunities for improvement. My husband used to drive me
crazy. Every thing was "an opportunity." But now,
I realize that he's right, and if I look at things that way,
I don't lose. Ever.
- Don't
compare yourself to others. What you want, and what you can
do, are different from what others want and can do. Some want
money, some want fame, some want to influence the world. Know
what you define as success, and what you need to achieve it.
Just because Dean Wesley Smith writes five to six books a
year doesn't mean it's right for you.
- Remember
that so much of life, like microwave popcorn, is just a matter
of timing. Perhaps your article was rejected because that
editor just bought a similar story, or has a backlog of articles.
Perhaps it's a touchy subject right now.
- The hardest
part of rejection is overcoming our fear of it. We have been
rejected all our life, from the moment our mothers rejected
us from that safe, warm womb. It is a natural, normal fear
that no healthy person is truly free of, no matter how tough
we think we are. Accept it, and move on. Brave and successful
people are not free of fear, they just don't let it run them
or their lives.
- No one
ever said this writing business was going to be easy. And
why would we want it to be? If it were easy, everyone would
do it, and we would be finding another brick wall to beat
our heads against. Accept it; we, as writers, are never going
to be content with being common, normal, and average. We are
always going to seek out a challenge. It's part of what keeps
us alive and breathing.
- Accept
that rejection is an inevitable part of publishing. You don't
reach the top of the mountain with one step; you have to make
hundreds of them. Each rejection is one step closer to acceptance.
- Send
that manuscript out again immediately! In fact, have your
next target prepared before you send it off the first time.
- Purchase
a treat you'd really like, such as a favorite chocolate bar,
a bottle of champagne, a massage gift certificate. Put it
away. You are not allowed to enjoy that treat until you get
rejected. Considering the perversity of nature, you are now
more likely to get accepted, but that wouldn't be so bad,
would it?
- Start
keeping a scrapbook of positive feedback. Every time you get
a compliment, write it down or put it in your scrapbook. Include
your non-writing successes. Then, when you feel dejected,
you can go to that book and see all your successes. It will
prove to you that you are not a failure and that you will
succeed someday.
- Take
a break. (After you send your manuscript back out again.)
Relax, play, and nurture your creative child. Exhaustion does
make cowards of us all.
- We need
to develop faith in the process. If we send out enough manuscripts
and never give up, eventually, an acceptance will appear in
the mail.
- If you
are not getting rejected, you're doing something wrong. The
only writers who don't get rejected are the ones who don't
submit.
- Nothing
bad every happens to a writer. It's all just grist for the
mill.
You
are neither the first nor the last person to be rejected. We've
heard all the stories: Robert M. Pirsig was rejected 121 times
before Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was accepted
and went on to sell over three million copies. Abraham Lincoln
lost eight elections before becoming president. John Creasy, a
British mystery writer, collected 743 rejection slips before his
first book was published. He went on to publish 563 more.
Remember:
It is perseverance, not talent,
that separates the writer
from the dreamer.
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